I’ve been fat, then skinny then fat again and there are some things I know for certain.
THESE ARE THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES AND OTHERS ABOUT THE BODIES OF FAT PEOPLE
“Fat people cannot be sexy or confident. Fatness is shameful, and should be hidden. Obese bodies should never be flaunted.”
This is what society has taught us. And this is exactly what all of us believe.
I used to believe that the world would look at my postpartum body and see it as unworthy of love and acceptance. I became so fearful of being rejected because of my fat body that I stayed out of the world and became a reclusive and bitter fat girl instead.
Isolation made my postpartum recovery a lonely and depressed nightmare. I abandoned friendships, minimized social movements, and became a hermit–precisely because I was fat and afraid. For months I kept telling myself that as soon as I lose X amount of pounds I could start being happy again.
HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I FINALLY LOST WEIGHT
Fast forward to two years later stress and trauma inspired a massive amount of weight release. I lost weight. found skinny but where in the fuck was my happy?
The numbers on the scale changed. The way my clothes fit my smaller body size changed. Even the way I was treated by certain people changed but I still felt deficient on the inside.
I still felt like something was missing. I was still unworthy. My insecurity still raged. I kept looking over my shoulder, comparing myself to everyone else wondering if I would ever be good enough. Losing weight did nothing to improve the way that I felt about myself.
Gaining weight and/or being fat is not the cause of the way you feel about yourself. It is a symptom of a larger more pervasive inner issue. There are millions of happy and fat people in the world and before you can become one of them there will be a lot of work to do.
And that work has very little to do with spending hundreds of dollars on a gym membership, or somebody fitness program.
The bulk of the work will come from unpacking and rewiring all of the mental trauma you’ve inflicted on yourself over some extra weight.
Nah, we won’t fix all of your issues in this one post. But if you are reading this that means that you are ready to begin to do the work towards weight release and ultimate self acceptance.
Here is how I began the mental journey towards losing 60+ LB in 2018. W
wanting and needing weight loss is two very different things.
1) accept thyself as is
If you read nothing else in this post, read this one paragraph: You cannot hate yourself and simultaneous enjoy the good parts of this life. Self hate cannot be contained, it muddies the waters of all things good and joyous.
What I’m saying is, you won’t be able to say things like “I will be happy when I lose weight” and actually be happy when you lose weight because your issue is not being fat. It is the thought that you are unworthy, unlikeable, not pretty enough because you are fat.
Here is how I know that there is ZERO truth in the thought that you cannot like yourself before you the lose weight. I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of fat women give themselves permission to enjoy food, enjoy people, enjoy fashion and wholeheartedly enjoy themselves without a single solitary prerequisite.
You do not need to lose a single solitary pound to be any kind of good, happy, or accepted in life. You can be as fat and as happy as you want to. The moment you let go of the “need to” lose weight “before” [insert some contrived reason here] you will have moved into acceptance of you are today.
You lose weight because you want to. Unless things are life and death, you can be perfectly healthy and happy as you are fat.
2) fat and fierce exists, seek those people out for a confidence boost.
One of the very first things I did when I began the journey to self love was surround myself with people who made me feel good about my body.
If these people don’t exists in real life, you can find people who resemble you on social media. Some of the very first body acceptance women that made me feel like a fat fucking goddess was on Instagram.
There are thousands of women (and men) fucking shit up on the internet. There are hundreds of hashtags you can search on Instagram that will lead you right to them. Seek them out and take in the confident sexiness they exude.
Seeing fierce women like, Tess Holiday and Gabi Fresh (and so many others) kill shit in clothes that society explicitly reserves for the thin will light a fire in you. A blaze, bitch.
This kind of confidence coming from women that we’ve been told are too big to exude sexiness gives you permission to take your power back! The way their clothes don’t try to hide rolls of fat. How effortlessly they embrace the camera will almost immediately change your perspective on who can be sexy. Because these women are hot AND fat.
Surrounding yourself with these kind of images opens up a brand new internal dialogue. You’ll start to question your own beliefs about your body. You’ll begin to ask yourself questions like how the hell can I get this way? And then something magical happens within you. You start to see yourself as attractive (sexy even) too.
Maybe you’ll see these women and feel nothing but repulsion. If this is the case, I suggest you keep doing the work to acceptance because this is akin to being repulsed to folk of darker shades, or thinner lips–it’s rooted in self hate.
Take Action: Dump ANYONE Who Makes You Feel Unworthy
3) accept the descriptor, & decide if their approval matters
First of all, you are worth being loved by all that you encounter, if this is what you wish. Why? Because you are here. You have value for being the person that you are, period.
Second, you have fat but you are not fat and fat alone.
Can fat be people attractive? Yes. Can fat people have attractive qualities about them? Damn right. Can fat people be fun to be around? Of course they can. Can fat people give others physical pleasure? Ugh, hell yeah (fat lady with a man and three children here, somebody is getting it in with this fattie).
Anybody that treats you poorly because you are fat, is not worth the effort to keep them in your life.
The compliment from an acquaintance or a stranger isn’t what creates that feel good feeling. Because the verbiage of the compliment itself means nothing. What gives you that good feeling is the the fact that you have accepted and/or believe the compliment to be true. “Why yes, I do look good don’t I?” It’s the same concept when someone insults you. You only feel bad about an insult if you find some truth in it.
Being called fat cannot hurt you if you have already accepted the descriptor. Currently, you are fat and that’s fine–thats what you look like on the outside. Why does this bother you if it is true? You’ve attached negative connotations to a word that is meant to describe. Are you offended when someone describes you as black (if your skin is black) or white (if your skin is white)? No. Because it’s an accurate description of what you look like.
When you stop giving meaningless descriptors or labels control over your sense of self and worth you can begin healing.
A lot of times we make a big deal about the opinions of others because we are drawing our sense of worth from what they think of us. It’s completely normal to do so but people with a healthy self esteem know when to throw the deuces to “they”. Who is they anyway? And why have we given them so much power over how we feel about us?
girl, we all struggle with body image issues
If you were rail thin and someone pointed it out, because of your mindset, this would be a dagger to the heart. Because of your mindset any word can be used against you. Imagine how hard it will be to navigate the world when you are constantly allowing the fleeting opinions of others to dictate how you should feel about yourself. Folk will find a flaw in every and anything they can.
Furthermore, you have the power to accept yourself as you are, despite the opinion of people who don’t suffer with you.
Action step: Accept the descriptor. Tell yourself “I am fat, and that is okay because it is currently what I look like.” Take the sting out of the word fat by using it freely.
None of this will come easy. It will take practice. Make it a habit to look at yourself and your fatness in a different light.
You have power, you’re worthy of love and light, and you can achieve all that you set out to do.
No amount of weight loss can give that to you. As you go into your journey remember who the fuck you are on the inside and allow time for the outside to catch up to all that heroic shit you exude.
I’d love to know what you think about these suggestions. Are they do-able? can you do it? Do you have any body love personalities you can suggest to us? Let me know in the comments!
Love you guys! Love yourself.